Lake of Possibility – by Maura Buckley
Soul Writer - written on a Soul Writing Course
I can’t be sure how I arrived at this beautiful lake. I find myself standing on a wooden dock at the edge of a lake and tied to the dock is a little blue wooden boat with two oars inside.
I am puzzled why I am here, as I stare at the lake and at the little boat gracefully bopping up and down as it creates little ripples in the water. I gaze at the still, dark water of the lake that whispers calmness to my soul and I feel no threat as I am standing securely on the wooden dock feeling grounded and protected. I smell sun-scorched rushes which remind me of ripened hay ready for harvest in the meadows.
My soul guide declares we are going to take a little trip out on the lake. She can see the confusion on my face as I imagine the cold dark water sucking the life out of me should the boat capsize. What is she thinking? She knows very well that I have always had a fear of drowning and it’s incomprehensible to expect me to go without a life jacket. She smiles and reassures me what I feel in my mind will change once I trust her to take care of me.
As I put one foot into the little boat, I feel paralysed, and I hear my heartbeat loud in my chest as the boat starts shaking. I wobble trying to balance myself into it. My foot feels as heavy as lead and is stuck to the wooden deck, I must force myself to lift it and guide it into the boat as I quickly sit down on the wooden seat to stabilise myself.
I freeze as I realise what is about to happen. My soul guide takes the oars and starts to move the boat out onto the lake. My hands grab each side of the boat, and my knuckles are snow white as I cling on tight. She rows very gently in the water, and I listen to the soothing splash against the oars in tandem rhythm.
I start to relax and tune into my surroundings. A gentle warm breeze brushes my skin and soothes my racing mind. I look over at the darkness of the water surrounding the boat and I wonder how deep it is underneath. Suddenly I feel my stomach reach up into my chest like a big wave crashing on the shore. I can feel myself falling out of the boat and into the dark deep water where there is no return. My soul guide senses my fear as I feel myself turn ghostly white as the blood drains completely out of my face. I am consumed by fear.
My Soul Guide hands over one oar at a time to me and reassures me I will be safe once I take control of the boat myself. I grab them quickly as I am afraid they might fall out into the water and sink to the bottom of the lake. I catastrophize all sorts of things happening in my head and I don’t notice that I am rowing the boat. Gradually the gentle paddling rhythm helps me release something I can’t name.
The sensation inside my body feels like someone pulling a very thick rope with a big thick knot at the end of it. It has come from the very bottom of my stomach all the way up into my chest, gathering and sucking all the fear out of my chest. Now I can breathe again!
I hear sounds above me. When I look up, I see many birds swooping and flying freely down low over the water. Their melody is soothing. I veer into some hidden nooks and crannies on the lake, and I come upon, hidden behind the rushes, a mother and her little baby ducklings drifting gently on the water. The mother hen has beautiful emerald, green plumage with specks of yellow and a long dark navy beak. Her colourful reflection shimmers on the water as her ducklings stay close to her for protection.
I wonder could I glide on the surface of the water? I realise I have a belief that I may have possibly drowned in a previous life. And I have now been given a chance to come back and face my fears and my intuition is nudging me to look at my fear head on and to ask it what it wants of me.
The boat is now my anchor and feels solid beneath me as I row myself back to the dock and I feel a new awareness – like I have battled my way out of the thick fog of fear, and now I see new possibilities ahead of me.